October Words Roundup

The non-monthly update deep in the vowels of the ship

Hmmm? What did you say? No, you say what you said first - oh, you were just coughing. Yes me too, would you like a strepsil? What do you mean they are just sweets?

Well, as it happens I have an update. Has it really been over 30 days since we amended and improved our dictionaries last? Let us take our holy scalpal to the written word - go grab your trusty book and lets make some changes!

Amen!(dments)

New Words

• Marshmellow - Mar·shh·mall·eow (noun)
  Kid friendly chewable anti-depressants

• Occidental Coggirendum - Och·ii·dd·eenntt·allll Cojj·ee·renn·dum·dum·DUM (concept)

  Describing when trying to spell a word but you put the double letter in a wrong or additional place. E.g. baloon vs balloon; addittional vs additional; addrress vs address; aciddental vs accidental; Readers should note - the conceptt is pluradaptive, meaning if you haven’t sufferred from this afflicction before now, simply reading about the idea curses you inccurabbly for liife. My appologies! (See Pluradaptive)

• Toiletto - Toy·let·toe (noun)
  Fun miniature toilet for kids that they can collect through blind boxes.

• Pluradaptive - Puh·lure·aaaa·dab·tivf (adj)
  An idea that only starts to exist once you’ve encountered the idea in another form, e.g. reading about depression suddenly makes you sad. Interestingly, now that you are aware of this concept, your life will not change.

• Wiggiwamas - Wig·gey·wham·myrrhs (noun)
  Very popular Native American themed restaurant chain. Smoking is prohibited.

• Taxccidental - Tax·xki·den·tal·l (adj)

  A mistake in stuffing an animal. Taxidermy mistakes are nearly impossible - the intention of a taxidermist is always meticulous. Faithful replication is the name of the game, and there can be no higher calling than to obscure death through sawdust. However, sometimes mistakes are made - most likely by administrative support staff through miscommunication - which results in either the wrong posture or expression being captured or in extreme cases the wrong subject entirely being stuffed and formed into position. In even more obscure situations, there is a concept known as Taxccidental Coggirendum which involves the addition of a double limb (extra thumb or double penis etc.).

• Lexlutherographers - Legks·luth·errr·ogg·raff·arse (noun)
  People who dedicate their lives to maintaining or updating the wikipedia entries of Superman’s arch nemesis, Lex Luther. They are a subset of the ‘glaborious massive’ who are a loosely affiliated sect of online activists that fight for the rights of the bald. Many of these are self-aware Encyclopedofiles (see Encyclopedofile)

• Grothel - Grrrrr·oth·uhl (noun)
  Somewhere where you hire illegal grovvellers (see Grovvellers).

• Grovvelers - Grrrrr·of·vole-urrs (noun)
  Someone who grovels for-hire, a mercenary in the art of puddle-like pleading

• Encyclopedofile - Grrrrr·of·vole-urrs (noun)
  People with an unhealthy obsession with uncovering the world through books.

• Unaboriginal - Un·ab·or·idjge·anal (noun)
  Non-native Australian hacks.

• Zooligans - Zo·oo·lig·uans (noun)

  Wildlife attraction visitor who takes their visit all too seriously, often with only one animal on their agenda. Imagine if you will some members of the public visit all dressed in white with black stripes, intent on supporting the Zebras - going along to their enclosure, applauding wildly at a good bit of cud, or singing in the terraces about the animals remarkable speed; if another member of the public, say with an heart-on-their-sleeve appreciation of Lions, walks past the zebra enclosure, they might spark up a song to the detriment of the animal accusing it of being shit at running from their favourite predators, and the two opposing fans could come to blows. Indeed, some ultras visit these attractions specifically to pick fights with other visitors leading to increasingly violent and dangerous acts that not only endanger innocent members of the public but has lead to an increase in gambling on school trips. The problem has become so widespread that zoological institutions are looking at implementing hidden patrol officers dressed as poachers, who will capture and take-out overtly dressed animal fans. Similarly, non-violent zoo goers are encouraged not to wear animal colours so as to avoid confrontation, with neutral greys and khaki suggested to help them camouflage with walls and paths.
  

Amendments

• The word ‘occidental’ should no longer mean ‘of or relating to a country of the west’ but instead ‘a mishap derived from visual stimula, even created through the mind of the viewer or creator’. Importantly, this requires the the existence of other words for the other senses; this should include but not be limited to: -

  • florridental - of smell. e.g. that smell from my bum was florridental, I do apologise.

  • aurridental - of the ear/hearing e.g. that sound from my bum was aurriendtal, though you won’t hear me apologise

  • tacctidental - of touch e.g. that feeling from my bum was tacctidental, though I would appreciate it if you apologised.

  • dentidental - of the teeth e.g. that feeling in your teeth from my bum was dentidental, perhaps you shouldn’t be doing whatever it is you are doing down there?

  • paracdental coggirendum - of the feeling the presence of a pair of dead twins when you know the person had no direct sibling e.g. that ghost just farted and it looks a lot like you

  See also Taxccidental

• The concept of Non-Fiction should be refined; it has always bothered me that we split our written publishings under two massive umbrellas - one being ‘fiction’, relating to all imagined and created stories and the other being ‘non-fiction’. Reality, science and texts relating to knowledge are not the poor younger brother to the whimsy of fiction’s over-inflated ego. Fiction is nonsense, hallucinations of thought; the rest, therefore - the hard fought deliberations of research and thought - should now and forevermore be referred to as ‘Faction’.

• Fiction should become ‘Non-faction’. How do you like that now? You unicorn munching wizard romance freaks, get a real hobby

• Deciduous - a terrible adjective to be used on trees. If they lose their leaves in winter, they should be called Nevergreens

Removals

• All American slang - really not cool.

• Geese - won’t swans do? Do we really need two different words that mean long white necked bird?